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shadowraine's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, May 26th, 2037 | | 9:26 pm |
| | Monday, January 28th, 2036 | | 7:23 am |
MEW!
Sinus infection = infection that goes to 2 teeth to create abscesses and potenial root canals. 10 days of waiting to see if the meds work or i get root canals. I can't take pain meds. sigh. I really need to work on the whole "get to doctor in a timely fashion" thing going. | | Thursday, August 2nd, 2035 | | 10:49 pm |
today, randy told me he was glad i am his step mom and that he thought i was fun and nice, and that he loved me. then he took my hand, and let me be his partner to help him up the stone step pathway to the base of the waterfall at Yosemite. That is all. but it's enough. | | Saturday, February 24th, 2035 | | 3:12 pm |
heh i'm so excited about Rakkasah it's silly. Katy and I will be driving up saturday morning. we originally thought friday, but all the performances we want to see are sat. and sun. We will be staying at the ramada across the freeway. It's only an hour away from home for me, but I wanted to catch the late night performers on saturday, and not worry about when to head home. this will be the very first mother daughter outing i have had with katy. it's both for her birthday, and because she has been working really hard on her disability and been accident free for a month. it will be 2 months the 15th, so i wanted to spoil her a bit. We missed her birthday this year for her freinds because we were getting married and moving, her birthday was the weekend before the wedding, so when i told her about rakkassah she was extremely excited. I'm going to buy her something adorable too, probably let her pick out a hip scarf. She is looking forward to seeing jasmine (a LOT) as well as folk infusion and dallua folks. you all will be SHOCKED how tall and pretty she is getting. She has developed into an extremely well spoken young lady of 8... so i think we are going to be buddies the whole weekend, instead of me dragging her around. Nik in the meantime, will be hanging out with dave and the boys for a creek frog weekend... they go shoot cans, hunt tadpoles and frogs, and generally run amuck. Dave is my hero taking all 4 boys out. I think dave is having a really positive effect on nik, they do a bunch of guy stuff, its nice. :-) although Katy is more interested in Dave's Gardening than nik is. Married life is much better than premarriage life. i feel calmer. thank god. i was really annoying before my wedding. (and everyone nods their heads) I am looking forward to seeing everyone again in a fun, relaxed and happy festival atmosphere. its just what the doctor ordered. | | Friday, February 23rd, 2035 | | 8:13 pm |
Katy and I WILL be going to Rakkasah, we will be heading down on Friday night, and staying probably until late Saturday or Sunday morning. who else is going? (and yes, if Sarah gets back to me about the details of the baby shower, i will make the cake and post pics :-)) | | Thursday, February 22nd, 2035 | | 4:37 pm |
I cut off seven inches of hair. its just below my shoulders now with a bit of an under turn. I thought it looked a bit more professional when i put it up for job interviews. I find i don't miss it at all. Lauren gave me the idea awhile back when she lopped off her hair, she still looked fabulous and it actually enhanced her cheek bones and figure. i decided to bite the bullet and try it myself. | | 3:00 pm |
wiggles was canceled? geez where was I? | | Friday, January 19th, 2035 | | 8:07 am |
I have the stomach flu. on my wedding day. and for the three days before today. just to make sure life is really really hard. guess i am just not destined to enjoy a wedding. sigh. i really hope it clears up sometime this week so we can have a bit of honey moon. all i have done for the past 3 days is sleep in the bathtub, because i need really hot water to handle the pain. and do wedding stuff. oy. still, on thursday night, when we were going over the wedding rehersal stuff, i was in so much pain i was laying on the chairs in the church and practicing our vows. grinning like an idiot. heh. still in a good mood (kinda) today too. i am just going to try to make it through the best i can, and enjoy what i can. being lifes punching bag, i should have seen this coming. the horrible part, my body is in massive pain, cramping, bloating, skin is bad, and i am SO hungry i can barely function. i have been eating little things every few hours, or i cease to be a higher thinking organism. soups, teas, fruit... my stomach is bruised from the inside now, oy. might have to see a doctor after the wedding if this keeps up. sighs. | | Sunday, January 7th, 2035 | | 8:13 pm |
ever have the feeling that you can't just talk to people and express yourself without folks deciding that the sky is falling or making snap judgements? sometimes i find myself sitting at home unable to call ANYONE because i get one of three reactions. 1. OH NO! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! oh! well just FUCK THEM! make the situation WORSE! cause its all about you! and you alone! run! bail! omg omg omg lets just start SLAUGHTERING and character assasinating the person you have an issue with until you feel like you are drowning in negative energy 2. ooh ohh is it me? no... whew. dude. its all your fault anyway. told you this would happen. just smile and be happy, and it will all work out in the end. oh... and hurry up please, i haven't talked about myself yet, and i'm running out of platitudes to spew. you got 5 more minutes. 3. yeah thats awful. well you know i would talk to you about this more, but i am the only person allowed to be upset in this relationship. you need to just bury it a bit deeper ok? cause your drama is stressing me out. SMILE. fuck. ok you know what, call me when you are happy or not at all. i am really really stressed out. sorry if this is dark. luckily, i know that no one will post to this, since when i normally write about serious subjects, folks don't post. if i am funny they do. but otherwise, no. | | Wednesday, January 3rd, 2035 | | 11:26 am |
| | 12:36 am |
bad bad timing
Ok, so basically my kids basketball coaches have their collective heads up their asses. they have scheduled the girls league and the boys league to play at the SAME TIMES at DIFFERENT SCHOOLS. and practices. like people only have boys or girls. not both. noooo that never happens. so my schedule for this weekend... friday i keep the kids instead of having their dad take them. we both decided that to have him drive down and try to get them to their practice on friday night, at the same time, at 5:30pm, which is when he gets off work, is nuts. so i automatically take them. now he COULD pick them up and take them home after that. 'cept that their first games are saturday at 8:00am. at different schools. yeaaah with his now 45 minute drive, that would mean he would have to get them up, dressed, fed, ready to go in their uniforms by 7:15 and then what, drop off nick by himself and drive over with katy? and then what? take home their uniforms and i pray that we get them back in time for the next game? dude. no way. that would be asking a lot of ME and i have them all the time. tim never agreed to this basketball thing. in fact, come to think about it... oh YEAH neither did I! because its right in the middle of my wedding. wait.... who the hell planned this stuff... thanks mom. every time she gets a bug up her butt, she schedules the kids for stuff without talking to me first, and then pays for it, and then i have to fuckin figure out how to make it happen. so... their games are the 5th, 12th, and the 19th, and 2 practices a week between each game. my wedding dinner is.... the 5th, katie and ben's birthday is the 12th, and my WEDDING is the 19th. so... i will be taking them to their games on wedding day, then shoving everyone in dresses and suits in time for the ceremony. wheeee. add on packing, cleaning, and moving into a new home, setting up their new school and prepping for the honeymoon and what have you got? me. sitting here at 12:32am eating a 100calorie pack like a fuckin crack addict and a dr. pepper. cause i'm runnin now on just this sugar and the voice in my head that screams "IN 2 1/2 WEEKS MOMMA WILL NEVER GET A HOLD OF THEIR SCHEDULE EVER AGAIN" gone baby.... almost gone. sigh. | | Sunday, December 31st, 2034 | | 9:11 am |
Impressed by the man
Over the weekend, Dave and I were cleaning and basically working our asses off in his house to get it ready to combine households. I scrubbed his room and organized it, and with all the mechanical stuff it was a challenge! I was Impressed BEYOND REASON at all the stuff he was good at though, he slapped on the mud for the walls in the bathroom like a professional, (yes i realize he IS a professional, but its one thing to be told, another to see him do it.) he fixed the dryer, just ran out, bought parts and ta da! drying clothing in an hour. this is after it was broken for 6 years. man was line-drying it all to save money. /rolls eyes then, i accidentally mutilated the cable tv connection, completely busted the ends and crushed them by accident when i was cleaning. He did this voodoo with a nail, a hammer and nippy cutters and fixed it in about 10 minutes and we had cable. heh just nice to know i am marrying a useful man :-). we also managed to find a paint color we both really like without bloodshed. its a pale forest green, very soothing but modern looking. the house is going to be in earth tones, all rich greens and browns and silvers, creams and white. he has all these decorative moldings for the top ot the walls to give the house a finished look, and white runners for near the floor. white book shelves, an antique woven hutch, (white) and we are painting the wood burning stove either white or dark green (per my brother-in-laws suggestion) to match the walls. his couch is tan, and his rugs are white. its all very nice looking and calm. i'm happy with it. /dances around happily! | | Wednesday, December 20th, 2034 | | 7:30 pm |
an update. seriously So much going on, oy. Christmas, then Ben's Birthday (stepson) on the first, Katie's birthday on the fifth, and then i get married. So much fun... i might explode In other news, Travis is FINALLY meeting with his dad over lunch on Saturday. his mom asked that i go along, because Travis wants witnesses. LOL. the irony is that i am more likely to ream the kid a new asshole for the police drama he caused than his father, but go figure. it is somewhat flattering that he wants us along, but will be odd, sitting there eating lunch with him, his mom, dave and myself. His mom finally got tired of Travis' self serving behavior and is trying to make him fix the issue he caused. We have been worried about Travis, and love him, so we are excited to see him. i just hope he doesn't fall apart and flake out on Dave, because it's tearing him up not to see him. *change of subject for some reason every single person i know is having babies. i am attempting not to be jealous, but it is difficult not to be, since i really thought i was going to have a baby again. Having the miscarriage last year was tough, especially since silvan and i didn't really get into it, we barely had a conversation about it. Too hard to do over the phone. I really had just brushed it off as a life sucks thing, bad timing... i didn't ever think that would be the last shot. It is hard to reconcile myself to the reality. New baby... nice. new handicapped baby with severe issues... not so nice. I KNOW there is a good reason not to have another... i KNOW that we have 5 kids between us now and i should be content. not really helping. i'm really jealous of EVERY WOMAN I KNOW. damn. both cousins, 2 sisters in law, 3 freinds and a fucking partridge in a pear tree are pregnant. bleh. I just have to keep repeating to myself.. "babies are like kittens... cute for 5 minutes and then they are teenagers..." its mental damage left over from tim, because he made our kids babyhood completely suck. add katie's dissabilities and his online addictions and you have a massively stressed out life. i feel like i missed all the good things about them being babies. I spent so much time trying to figure out where to get food from and keeping katy alive i don't remember ANYTHING. just flashes of painful therapy sessions and nik crying all the time while katy screamed when i did her dialations. woo that got rather dark didn't it. OY ok i am not depressed, just trying to think on paper to calm the green eyed monster. if you feed it emotional cookies, sometimes it goes away to find a glass of milk and leaves you alone for awhile. OTHER HAPPY NEWS!!! Dave got his grade back on his last class. It's official. He is the valedictorian of our graduating class. i'm so proud of him i could explode. *SQUEEE. that's right. like, 25 classes of college, straight A's in the engineering design program :-D his grade history is really weird to look at. just a sea of A's. hehe. i'm marrying a smart man with a degree. their might be some hope yet for me. ok... off to pretend to clean the kitchen. wheee. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Alicia Keys, "No one" (mock not, she is tallented) | | Monday, December 11th, 2034 | | 6:09 pm |
It's Official, Dave and I are getting married on January 19th, next month. The wedding will be very very small, just enough folks to take over Yen Du in Stockton after the wedding. we decided, since most of our relatives haven't met each other that we wanted a chance to really have a nice dinner with everyone after the wedding, and enjoy all our kids together. So, if you didn't get an invite, don't worry, it's not personal. We just felt that with 5 kids, going into debt for a wedding was completely ridiculous. I will be having a dinner on January 5th, invite only at the melting pot! Sad news for Dave, we were trying to get a hold of his friend Curtis to attend the wedding, and we finally got a hold of him. We went to his funeral this morning. sigh. poor Dave. Dave is doing ok, but it was really emotionally draining today. | | Friday, November 24th, 2034 | | 10:35 pm |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA!!
Hope your birthday was tons of fun :-) | | Thursday, November 23rd, 2034 | | 11:38 am |
| | Saturday, November 4th, 2034 | | 1:38 pm |
yeah they pretty much nailed me. no pun intended. I'm the pink pantheress. tee hee. Your Score: The pink pantheress You are 85% sweet, 75% playful, 80% fearless and 33% dominant.
Sweet. Catlike. Somewhat kinky. You are a reference in term of sexuality. You love to play, and to make your partner play with you. Be careful not to be played too much. You have high skills, but also a great imagination. Maybe you consider sex as an art in itself. All we can do is to envy the people who have the chance to spend one night in your bed. However, finding your perfect match is not that easy, since you require a dominant, but yet sweet and gifted partner. Consider: The bonoboAvoid: The big cock lucky for me, my perfect match just proposed this weekend, ring and all :-) | | Tuesday, October 17th, 2034 | | 11:08 am |
the update: Dave needs minor surgery (personal, no big deal) in November. that adds just too much stress to the holidays so we are moving the elopement, maybe to April? we aren't sure. we ARE getting married as soon as we can swing it. just going nuts trying to figure it all out. we are both looking forward to this weekend, quite a bit. We need the break. Dave is going through Mid-term hell, and i'm trying to keep up with my car project and the house, and the kids. oy. *stress | | Sunday, October 8th, 2034 | | 11:46 pm |
Oh the drama. SO, I finally had it out with the lady next door that works at my kids school. every fucking other day she has to come over and tell me what my kids did at school. if they fell down at recess, if they forgot their lunch money, on and on and on. She always follows these statements up with advice on how to fix it and that i should be grateful to my parents for all the loving help and support they give me, and she wishes she had her parents help, but no, she has to raise her kids up in her nice house with her husband without her mommy. she also makes sure that she says these things in front of the other moms on the block, and/or infront of the ladies in the school office. i have gritted my teeth, explained things to her and she never listens. 1. My life is not fucking easy. I have been a full time engineering college student, now i wake up at 4 in the morning to go to work so i can come home and cook dinner for my kids at a reasonable time. i then help them through hours of homework, all their anxieties, and katy's constant battle with her physical issues. 2. my parents DO help me. but it is not a teenagers paradise here. I live with southern baptists. stern ones. there is no swearing, unless you want a grand scale fight. there is no sex, unless you want to be harassed FOREVER. I have sacrificed my sanity and my individuality because my kids needed a good school and a stable home. 3. they don't babysit. i get out of the house every other weeked. period. 4. we are not rich. and when she yaps about pre paying lunches i have to tell her "hey i didn't have the money at the time" and she goes on about how much money we must all make. YES we all have great jobs. we also have a child that plunged my ass into massive debt when she was born with spina bifida. none of this phases this woman. she just wants to believe that i am some kind of slack mom. so, finally i lost my fucking mind with her. THE STRAW. My daughter came home with lice a few weeks ago. we have been battling it ever since. I spent massive amounts of money on the rid stuff, around 200$ for washing all the clothing in the house, the carpets, couches, mattresses, and the rid junk itself. and then, doing it all over again because you have to. i did it in one day. 37 loads of laundry. and cleaned, so i could get to work and the kids wouldn't miss school. and she is in the office, and sees me come to get katy cleared by the nurse. she says infront of the entire school office and everyone standing there "you can't be lice free already hunny, did your momma wash everything already? don't tell me you need her to go back to school so fast, take some time hunny" i smiled politely, and ignored her. then, monday, i was showing katy how to shoot a basketball and we were discussing good basketball team behavior. we were standing with 2 other moms. this woman drives around the corner, sees us, stops the car and goes "hey, katy forgot her lunch money today, i would have given her some but she was already through the line, you should just pre pay! all that money you guys make here" i told her "well thankyou, but i don't pre pay, i like to choose when i make them lunch and when i don't, because some of the school lunches are less than healthy" she goes "oh i think they are fine! ooh are you doing some basketball!" and then she gets out of the car and takes the ball and starts showing katy some things. i am really angry now, and i go "hey this was something we were doing together, but thanks for your help" she goes "oh no problem, i know how it is, no man around here to show your kids stuff, here, just a few more hints" and continues. at that point i wanted to grab her by her braids and beat her head into the sidewalk. but there are too many other kids and moms there. (and it is illegal. cough.) she leaves, and my freind mellisa goes "what an interfering bitch" sigh. the kids abandoned us to go play and i never finished showing katy the basketball stuff. so, i go inside, seething, and there is a knock on the door. and there is that fucking woman, holding a form for school lunches. i LOST MY MIND. i looked at it and said "YOU KNOW WHAT. I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP. LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY BUSSINESS. STOP WATCHING MY KIDS AT SCHOOL I KNOW WHEN THEY ARE HURT, WHEN THEY HAVE NO MONEY, WHEN THEY FORGET THINGS. BECAUSE WE TALK, I DON'T NEED YOU AND ALL YOUR PETTY COMMENTS. LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE" she goes "what is wrong with you? i'm just tryin to do some lookin out for you and help out your nice parents" and i say "LOOK bitch. my parents and i don't need your help. you think its so great over here? tell you what, i'll take your husband, and you can have my momma. and then i can sit on my fat ass inside the house while he plays with the kids all afternoon. k? cause i know who does stuff with your kids, and its him. every damn day and you act like you never have help. and you can go to do MY work, and i will wander around a cafeteria and gossip and piddle with all my hobbies. k? and my mommy can make you dinner, about once a month, and then you can clean the house for her and do my daughters therapy k? you think its easy? get the hell off my porch. i don't want to talk to you or look at you. you can't take a hint I DON:T NEED YOU. fuck you. cause you have some nerve acting like i can't mother my own children. you don't know me and you never bother to listen to me. so fuck you. leave. get off my porch. /SLAM. and the doorbell rings for 10 minutes. and she yells "don't make me open this door" i open it. You are gonna do WHAT. huh? make me listen to the garbage you are spilling? no. touch me and i call the police ok? i don't have to like you, listen to you. and if you ever spy on my kids again at school i'll have you removed. fuck off. /SLAM. more doorbell ringing. and finally she left. its been days. and i am still so enraged. ugh. never let things build for 3 years. | | Sunday, September 17th, 2034 | | 8:20 pm |
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